Seeking Clarity? Start from the Inside Out
In initial conversations with new coaching clients, I often receive an extensive download of information—thoughts and feelings that seem to have been pent up and are now being shared with me, the person entrusted to help process it all and guide them toward a way forward.
“I’m sorry, I’m rambling,” or “I don’t know where I was going with this,” usually follows.
These moments can be a goldmine for a coach. When trained to listen at a deeper level, a 15 minute client monologue reveals much about who they feel unheard by, which stakeholders they may be misaligned with, and critically, the values they bring to their work. It often provides insights that surpass any psychometric assessment I’ve encountered. I typically offer to reflect back the key points I’ve heard, along with my observations about the values I suspect resonate for them, inviting further discussion if they find it helpful.
Working with senior executives and high achievers, understandably, my clients often have a strong achievement orientation and a bias for action. After the initial download, they typically provide a rational list of 5 to 10 things they need to focus on or fix. This leads us to the first crucial leadership lesson: clarity.
Sitting in front of me is a highly capable individual, someone who has shown remarkable resourcefulness to reach this point. I have no doubt they are adept at taking action. Yet, at the core of my coaching philosophy is the belief that human behaviour is a manifestation of our cognitions, emotions, and actions, along with the complex interplay between these facets. Put simply, it’s about what people think, feel, and do.
I might challenge the list they’ve created by asking, “How do you feel about it?” This question is often met with the immediate response, “I think…” While I acknowledge their 'thinking skills', I help them build awareness of how keeping their 'feeling skills' offline might be impacting their performance.
From my experience, sustained high performance requires alignment—not only with clients, team members, and stakeholders but, more crucially, between what we think, feel, and do. This deeper work necessitates introspection and begins with clarity on topics we often overlook at work—our underlying philosophies, values, and emotions.
If you’re interested in exploring this area further, consider these reflection activities:
Your narrative
Craft a 20-minute narrative of your life so far, however you choose to construct it. Reflect on the following questions:
What are the chapters?
What pivotal moments or people stand out?
What insights have you gained about yourself?
Is there anything you chose to omit?
How is the current ‘chapter’ unfolding, and how does it fit within your overall story?
What might come next?
Share your story with someone you trust. Ask for their observations, and notice the clarity that develops through sharing it aloud.
What Needs to Be There
Consider the following prompts: What needs to be present for you to...
...feel valued?
...perform at your best?
...build sustainable work practices?
Taking time to reflect on these questions can foster deeper self-awareness, finding opportunity to share the reflections and hear them aloud will build clarity which is turn allows you to test for alignment between what you think and feel before you jump to the action plan.
If this is an area you would like to explore further, do not hesitate to get in touch.
